In the absence of cameras, one could easily repeat an outfit and gaslight people into thinking it is new. I got married to a woman who has single friends, which equals future weddings we have to attend. Since my own friends are ugly, I have never had to worry about…

Learning multiple languages can impress people but so can learning two phrases of Japanese and telling your friends you know the entire language. My best friend loves that I, too, have read all the Harry Potter books. I love that all it took was reading plot summaries on Wikipedia to…

Credit goes to my parents for not forcing me to marry any specific woman, but it also goes to the low expectations I had set up. When my brother was young, he made the mistake of making our parents proud. You get nothing by making others proud, especially when you’re…